i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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