theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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