Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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