so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
