glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
high people should be assigned attendants
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
