i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
