shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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