Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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