you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
