I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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