no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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