there was a trapeze. enough said
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
