Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
