You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
