i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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