How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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