Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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