here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Found the puke drawer
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
