I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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