Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
