Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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