His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
