Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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