You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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