the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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