I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
