i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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