when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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