D3 body, D1 cock
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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