so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
