so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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