On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
