so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
