You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
