dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
