you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am naked and annoyed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
