There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
