i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
