I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
