All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
