I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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