I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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