I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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