i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
