he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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