Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
