my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
