i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
