Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
too bad you live with your parents still
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
