Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
