Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
